Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Prelude
Overture
PART I - A Fish Out of Water
CHAPTER I - What’s an Innie? Are You One?
The Main Differences Between Innies and Outies
Carl Jung’s Original Innie and Outie
Are You an Introvert?
Innies and Outies Are Both Valuable
CHAPTER II - Why Are Introverts an Optical Illusion?
Wallflowers They Are Not
Teasing Apart the Terms: Shy, Schizoid, and Highly Sensitive
Guilty as Charged, or Should the Charges Be Dropped?
Shooting from the Lip
Why Innies Unsettle Outies
Blamed and Defamed
Taking Your Temperament Temperature
CHAPTER III - The Emerging Brainscape: Born to Be Introverted?
Temperament Diversity
The Recipe for You
In Your Genes
Tracking Brain Tributaries
Tracking Neurotransmitter Paw Prints
Full-Throttling Ahead or Throttling Down
The Full-Throttle and Throttle-Down Systems on the Road
The Full-Throttle and Throttle-Down Systems on the Road
The Big Picture
The Extroverted Process
Of Two Minds
The Right Brain
The Left Brain
Play to Your Strengths
PART II - Navigating the Extroverted Waters
CHAPTER IV - Relationships: Face the Music and Dance
Dancing into Dating
Gradually Gearing Up to Meet Someone New
The Dating Process
When Personality Types Collide
Innie Male with Outie Female: The Challenging Couple
Going from Slam Dancing to Soft-Shoe
Meeting the Challenge of a New Pattern
Innie Female with Outie Male: When Opposites Attract
Changing the Dance in the Middle
Innie with Innie: Just Us Two Against the World
Getting Unstuck from the Rut
Couple Choreography
Mind over Chatter
CHAPTER V - Parenting: Are They Up from Their Nap Already?
Is Your Child an “Innie” or an “Outie”?
Understanding Your “Innie” Child
Provide a Private Space
Allow Time to Reflect
If You’re an Extroverted Parent with an Introverted Child
Understanding Your “Outie” Child
If You’re an Introverted Parent with an Extroverted Child
The Team Approach: Talking to Your Child about Introversion
Gifted and Talented Children
Parent Power
CHAPTER VI - Socializing: Party Popper or Pooped from the Party?
Snappy Repartee vs. Substantive Conversation
Continuum Confusion
To Go or Not to Go, That Is the Question
Tactful Turndowns
Energy Conservation
Anticipating
Seven Guerrilla Socializing Tactics
Leaving the Party: The Best Part
Holidays: On Automatic Pilot?
My Very Last Word on Socializing, I Promise
CHAPTER VII - Working: Hazards from 9 to 5
Why Do Extroverts Get All the Good Press?
Hiding Your Light under a Bushel
If I Tell You, I’ll Have to Kill You
Co-creating
Four Memory Joggers
Enjoy Your Work
PART III - Creating the “Just Right Life
CHAPTER VIII - Three P’s: Personal Pacing Priorities, and Parameters
CHAPTER VIII - Three P’s: Personal Pacing Priorities, and Parameters
Personal Pacing
Limited Edition
Bird by Bird
Personal Priorities
Inch by Inch to Yard by Yard
Personal Parameters
Mushy Parameters
Why You Need Special Handling
CHAPTER IX - Nurture Your Nature
Nurturing Your Natural Resources
Trouble in River City
Compose Yourself by Taking Breaks
Nurturing Space
Musical Moments
Listen to Your Body Talk
Nutritional Noshing
Grow Your Spirit
Grow Your Spirit
Create a Statement of Purpose
When Your Nature Is Nurtured
CHAPTER X - Extrovertin Shine Your Light into the World
Illusion of Comfort Zone
Catching Confidence
One Is Enough
Seven Strategies for Extroverting
Strategy 2: Quick-Calm Your Inner Irritations
Strategy 6: Stay on the Funny Side of Life
Lighthouses Point the Way Home
Final Farewell
Selected Bibliography and Suggested Reading
Index
Copyright © 2002 by Marti Olsen Laney
Illustrations copyright © 2002 by Harry Bates
Design by Elaine Tom Cover design by Paul Gamarello
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced-mechanically, electronically, or by any other
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced-mechanically, electronically, or by any other
means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada
by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.
All personal vignettes, anecdotes, and stories are from my life or the lives of my clients, people I interviewed, or
those attending my workshops or presentations. However, I have altered and commingled people’s names and
identifying details in order to preserve their privacy.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Laney, Marti Olsen. The introvert advantage/Marti Olsen Laney. p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-7611-2369-5 (alk. paper)—ISBN 0-7611-2589-2
1. Introversion. 2. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.
BF698.35.I59 L36 2001 155.2’32—dc21 2001026987
Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions
as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts can also be created to
specification. For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below.
Workman Publishing Company, Inc. 708 Broadway New York, NY 10003-9555 www.workman.com
Printed in the United States of America
First printing: September 2002 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Dedication
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a gift and not giving it.